2nd April 2021 - Strength
My body feels soft and reluctant today. It is an effort to get out of bed and I stall and debate before deciding that I will run to the pond. I am swayed by the fact that I have already put my swimming costume on under my running clothes.
The run is more challenging than I think it should be, perhaps because I am adjusting to breathing through my nose. Despite the ache in my legs when I reach the pond, I change course for the hill above, adding an extra kilometer. I arrive red faced and spent after only 4.3 kilometers.
The water is a relief, as it has been each swim this week. But although the chalk board still reads 10 degrees, it feels much colder today, like an icy yoke around my neck, pressing in on the hollows above my collar bones. I shiver and think that maybe I should just do one lap today.
Various thoughts follow:
“One lap is plenty, I wasn’t even going to swim at all today.”
“Being in here for longer might shake that ‘delicate’ feeling. It has done before.”
“I ran that extra hill despite not feeling strong, I’ve already pushed myself.”
“It’s important to listen to my body. It is telling me it is sensitive today. Be gentle?”
“I know my body is strong. I’ve learned that through swims like these.”
“I’ve already put in a lot of effort in to get here and to be in this water, I might as well make the most of it. I know that two laps will have a better alchemical effect than one, in terms of adrenaline and all the rest of the science.”
“Three would be pushing myself, but I did two yesterday, so two I can do.”
I swim two laps. I’m not sure if it was believing in my strategy, or if I was right about the science, but the second lap made the difference. By the time I get out of the water I don’t feel cold anymore. And I don’t feel weak. I feel like my body is radiating energy, fiery against the cold wind.
This vigour doesn’t dwindle despite the day being full and challenging. Is this the power of cold water? Or is it the power of remembering and knowing that your body is stronger than you think it is? Of experiencing that strength?
Although the second lap transformed my day, I recognise the wisdom of the other voice that encouraged me to listen to my body. And I remember what my body said this morning. So I am going to bed early now, for a long sleep.
