28th June 2021 - mountain
It is hard not to get distracted by the very advanced yogis in the shala. Many of the poses seem impossible.
I can see a long journey ahead if I continue practicing Astanga. To reach the secondary series alone will take years of dedicated practice. But that is the point of Astanga yoga - “Practice, and all is coming”.
I feel as though I am looking up at a steep mountain. Its peak is obscured by clouds. I feel a sense of patient excitement. Step by step, slowly, without rush, I will climb the mountain. And on the way I will see many views and think lots of thoughts. I am more excited by the journey than by the summit.
27th June 2021 - qi gong
I practice a gentle Qi Gong warm up today. My dead arm has recovered and I can swing my arms freely in my favourite movement. I feel uplifted and lightened afterwards. A short, simple practice with a powerful effect.
25th June 2021- dead arm
I had a COVID vaccination yesterday, so today my arm is painful and weak. I have a mild fever and feel exhausted, so no Astanga today.
24th June 2021 - full moon
Traditionally, Astanga is not practiced on the full moon. The Shala is closed. I notice the effects of not practicing through the day.
23rd June 2021 - new pose
As I finish the half-primary series and begin backbends, one of the teachers comes over to give me a new pose. He explains it without demonstrating: “jump from downward dog to bring your legs in front of your hands.”
I don’t understand.
He repeats the instruction, smiling.
I try, landing with my feet either side of my hands, but not in front. It seems impossible to land with my feet in front of my hands and not fall over.
“Try it again.”
This time I make it. He then tells me to hook my feet in front of my face, balancing on my hands, and touch my head to the floor. I vaguely remember this from the last time I practiced Astanga in a dedicated way. But my body has no muscle memory of this pose and I feel very clumsy. He helps me practice the pose twice, and then says to continue with the closing sequence.
I feel surprisingly excited to have been given this new pose. This progressive aspect of Mysore style Astanga, where the teacher is tuned in to where you are and what you’re ready for, really appeals to me. It makes me feel supported and known.
22nd June 2021 - moving meditation
I can barely remember practicing today because it was so ‘autopilot’.
Repeating the sequence daily over the past two weeks has ingrained it in my memory. This means that there is much less thinking.
The woman next to me has an impressive ‘ujjayi’ (victorious, audible) breath; a gentle rhythmic roar, like waves on a rough beach, and I notice that my breath synchronises with hers.
Before I know it, I am at the end of my practice, sweating and exhausted, but very calm.
21 June 2021 - solstice
I got up extra this morning, but still not before the sun, which rose at 4:43.
I have reached ‘half primary series’ and the teachers suggest that I stay here for a while, until it has sunk in. The practice is getting easier and more familiar. My arms are much stronger, my hamstrings and back feel more flexible, and my core is catching up.
Today I am invited to try ‘drop backs’, which I’ve done before, but not for years in an Astanga setting. I do three, dropping back into wheel and standing up from wheel three times. I am a bit clumsy and it is hard work at the end of the practice, but it works.
I cycle home in light rain and feel grateful for the practice, and grateful that now I can sit down!
20th June 2021 - intoxicated
A reunion with old colleagues last night led to a level of intoxication that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. It was fun and silly. I felt hazy when I woke up and was ambivalent about practicing. But I wanted to maintain the habit of the practice, so I went.
It was challenging. Downward dog in particular felt unexpectedly precarious. But as I progressed through the sequence, sweating, I felt increasingly strong and clear. It wasn’t as bad as I expected and I felt better for the rest of the day. Nevertheless, I can see why real yogis abstain from alcohol!
19th June 2021 - rest day
The Shala that I have found designates Saturdays as rest days instead of the traditional Sunday.
18th June 2021 - distraction
It was pouring with rain and my bike tyres needed pumping, so I decided to practice at home. I practiced the sequence without deviation or abbreviation with the windows wide open. It was peaceful and soothing to be at home, alone, with the fresh smell of the rain outside.
But I was very distracted by my surroundings. As my gaze moved with the flow of the sequence I noticed things that need putting away, fixing, moving. The objects of my day to day life come with thoughts and associations.
Though I did the same physical practice that I do in the Shala, I didn’t experience the clarity and focus that I experience there. The Shala is not only a community and a place to receive guidance, it is also a special space. A place where everything is associated with practice, and there are very few distractions.
I am glad that I can practice at home and not miss a day, but I will make Shala practice my default and only practice at home when there’s a good reason for it.
17th June 2021 - counterintuitive
When I woke up today, my body was more achey than it has been in over a year. Can I practice when I feel like this? There’s no flexibility for adaptations in Astanga Yoga.
Despite feeling very comfortable in bed, the “see you tomorrow” from yesterday encouraged me not to take a day off.
And the practice worked! My hamstrings burned with the first forward fold, but I loosened up and by the end of the practice, the stiffness and aches were entirely gone.
16th June 2021 - see you tomorrow
Day 2 at the Shala
Small things, like the teachers remembering my name when they greet me, the repetition of the sequence of asana, the “see you tomorrow” at the end, all contribute to a feeling of belonging and routine. I’ve only been to the Shala twice and already I feel part of the community. I was achey today and know that I’ll be even more achey tomorrow, but I have committed to coming as often as possible to maintain and deepen this feeling.
15th June - spiritual home
I visited the Astanga Shala for the first time today. I felt slightly nervous, because I haven’t practiced with others for years and I know that adaptations and short cuts have crept into my practice.
The place where I previously practiced was austere and unwelcoming. If you got something wrong, you would be corrected fairly brusquely, as if you should have known better. The room was white and sparse, and the teacher stayed aloof.
But from the moment I stepped inside this Shala I felt relaxed and welcome. Creaky old wooden floors, the scent of incense, diffuse light through frosted windows, the sound of bodies breathing and moving to their own rhythms.
The teachers were gentle and smiling, and expected me. They showed me around and invited me to choose a place in the ‘practice room’ and to begin when I was ready.
The teachers seemed somehow to know just when I was unsure about something. They appeared next to me and gave simple instructions and guidance.
I made my way through the opening sun salutations and the standing series, repeating a few times to get breathing and movement sequences right. Two floor poses, backbends, and then shavasana in the ‘finishing room’.
When I stepped outside onto the sunny pavement and looked up at the blue sky, I felt elated. This is a good place. These are good people to spend time around. This sense of connection and welcome from strangers is what I’ve really missed over the past year of lockdowns.
I am so excited to develop my practice at this Shala.
14th June 2021 - sweat lodge
Evening Hot Yoga courtesy of a London heatwave. The churn of the traffic outside muted by closed blinds and Alexa’s “Yoga Music”. Heavy, still air…
Unexpected transcendental feelings
Slow movements
Stillness
Yin
Nidra
Bedtime
12th June 2021 - preparation
I have a place to start practicing Astanga in a Shala starting on Tuesday. Motivated by this, today I stuck to the Astanga sequence without deviation. There is a lot of room for improvement, but I definitely felt stronger and lighter and more powerful than I did a couple of weeks ago. I also made an effort to breathe properly, feeling each breath lift and lull me. When I am fully conscious of my inhale, it feels like taking a sip of cool water after climbing a hill.
11th June 2021 - play
Playful yoga in the afternoon between things: pincha mayurasana against the wall. I am so relieved that the back pain I experienced for over 6 months is almost entirely gone now. More yoga = less pain.
10th June 2021 - abbreviated
I did the primary series this morning, but with short cuts. I counted 3 breaths instead of 5. I skipped the Vinyasas between seated series poses. I touched the bases, but walked instead of ran between them. I justified these short cuts as preparation for doing it all properly tomorrow.
I enjoy the ease of practicing at home, and the pleasure of being outside while doing it. But motivating myself to practice alone is in some ways harder than committing to a class. After I finished practicing today I looked up Shalas nearby, found one I liked, and have enquired about whether there is space for me. This feels like an important step.
9th June 2021 - neck rolls
I didn’t make time to practice, again. I felt a bit blue and unmotivated. I do the bare minimum so that I can tick ‘yoga practice’ off my list - neck rolls, side to side, at my desk. Even this tiny bit of yoga makes a difference. The feeling of disappointment at not doing the whole series for a couple of days motivates me to recommit for tomorrow morning.